lauren's

no one knows the truth
i did it!!

silly girl, look what you've done
i accidentally posted this at free for all (i object to substituting numerals for words) last friday, and i just discovered it today. silly lauren. oh well . . . here it is.

starin' at this yellow-haired girl
i think there should be songs about laurens. some people, like annas, have two songs, and it's not fair, 'cos laurens deserve songs, too! once chris pratt tried to make the lola song be a lauren song, but i actually really dislike that song, so it didn't work. the closest i get, i feel, is the yellow-haired girl in 'mr. jones.' also i like it 'cos there's a black-haired flamenco dancer, which is shannon, but not 'cos she's a flamenco dancer, only 'cos she's got dark hair.
keep on rockin' in the free world!
boy, i sure am glad to be part of the free world! haha. "free." ha.
so yesterday was the day of reckoning, but no reckoning has taken place. i kinda thought that might happen, since i'm lame and scared of change. but things seem to have gotten marginally better.

and oh, let me count the ways that i abhor you
but oh, what else can i say? i adore you. this is what i was writing in august 2000. haha. stupid necessity.
i'm a bad student. i need to not ever have gotten diablo.

i want to be a lion
mm, friday night.
i mostly just wanted to use the lion quote, 'cos i love that part . . . i foresee that this will be a weekend of much stress but little accomplishment. monday i have awful ling homework due and a presentation in french class; tuesday i have a 4-5 page book report due in ASL. and no, of course i haven't read the book.
anyhoo . . . shelby the purple fuzzy leopard is here now. so it's off to rennie's for a carson staff reunion of sorts. plus beer, which makes everything better.

i've got some real estate here in my bag
oh oh oh oh!! i forgot to say that BILL has a JOB!! i'm so excited! plus, now he'll be in tillamook so i can go visit and eat lots of cheese and ice cream! yay!

ordinary, just like everyone
my new obsession: CHAI. mmmmmmm chai. it's warm and happy!
actually, i was trying to drink less coffee, so i started drinking chai, and it totally backfired because now i drink BOTH. it's awful. i have to stop. bad lauren.
lots of people said nice things 'cos of my thing yesterday. i was having a bad day, i guess. i'm having kind of a bad couple of weeks. (which only means i let it show . . . it's always there . . . but that's ok.)
another addiction: trading spaces. it is, in fact, the addiction of 3/4 of my household. only katie has managed to resist! but then, she is currently watching buffy, and i often find her watching ER at ungodly hours of the morning (like 10). and, on the topic of tv . . . adult swim is my favorite!! though i still miss cartoon planet greatly . . . space ghost coast to coast is good but not quite the same.
also, today i met my kind-of cousin david's roommate's webpage which i think is great. plus, he likes the beatles!!
this is a totally bizarre and linkful update. maybe it's because i'm too cold. dave says i should get a blanket. he's smart, huh? i'll go do that.

and no one'll ever know it if i keep my mouth shut tight
today i was told that i'm argumentative. it was the same person who had previously called me pessimistic . . . and now i'm sad. i don't want that to really be how people see me, and i don't know if it is. but then, if it is, what do i do about it? i don't want to just sit there with my mouth shut all the time and never say what i think - i want to think that what i think is important. but i don't want to be argumentative, either, and i don't know which is more important. of course, there are definitely times when i think that all i should do is, in fact, sit there with my mouth shut, and that even that isn't enough, 'cos i can't make my head shut up . . .
last night i dreamed that there was a boy that i liked - not had a crush on, just liked 'cos he was nice - and he was telling me that i was a bad person and i needed to lose weight because i am fat and stupid and bad, and that no one liked me.
i'm not entirely sure that i'm having a good day today.

throws me like a rubber ball
i did it. so there!

in one of these dreams, you've forgiven me . . .
though what i need to be forgiven for i don't really know. nothing, i'm sure, other than being me. which, depending on who you ask, is either an ok thing or the worst mistake i ever made.
but anyway.
i have changed: i'm no longer going to translate colette . . . now it's going to be marie-célie agnant (in french, sorry). i started last night. it's not as hard as i thought. her writing is easy to follow, but i'll definitely have to make some serious adjustments to the literal translation. just translated directly, it is missing something stylistically that the french isn't missing. oh well . . . that's why i have three more terms to work on it! it's kind of exciting, really. i decided to switch because: 1) it's a collection of short stories as opposed to a novella or novel, which is inherently easier; 2) she's coming to campus this term (march?) and i will probably be able to interview her? but at least i'll meet her; 3) a translation has never been published . . . hmm . . .
i got a nice note in my guestbook. it made me happy! yay.
i think i might take down everything on this page but the blog. when i suggest taking it ALL down, i get yelled at. so i might just take the rest of it away. we'll see. i want to have a nice pretty shiny page that i won't be embarrassed for people to read, but i have neither the creativity nor the capability of making what i want. partially 'cos i don't know what i want. as usual.
not much has changed since i wrote last. oh well. after all, one never really knows when things will change and one's life will be completely different. maybe it's today.