lauren's

and your bird is green!
am at work, as usual, and taking a break from thesising. which means i have been doing it!! amazing. but anyway, i was looking at librarian.net, as i often do, and then i was looking at jessamyn.com, which is also fun, and i found that she had linked to what kabalarians.com had to say about her name. so i put in my names, and i got things that were interesting:

Your name of Lauren has brought you enjoyment in working with people in circumstances in which you can organize and direct their efforts, preferably in an executive position. You are self-expressive, philanthropic, clever, and ambitious. You like to specialize in whatever you undertake. This name gives you an optimistic outlook on life. You appreciate good quality in all things and want the best money can buy. You have big ideals and dreams about the things you would like but you are not always willing to put forth the necessary effort, particularly if it means being subservient to others or having to work in an unimportant, menial capacity. Position and means are important to you and, in order to create this impression of affluence, you will spend even when it is not prudent to do so. You like to give the impression that you have everything under control. You must learn to be tolerant of the weaknesses of others and be fair in your judgment, not measuring from your standard of practical thinking but recognizing the needs of others. You are generally good-natured, but may suffer with feelings of self-pity, particularly if your financial success is limited. Use of this name would cause any health weaknesses to centre in the female generative organs.

Your name Meredith has given you tenacity of purpose and has made you extremely independent. Whatever you undertake, you approach from your own point of view, and others either have to conform to your ideas or go their own way and leave you to work things out for yourself. You are so narrowly focused in your pursuits that you frequently overlook the little personal considerations and attentions that create a bond of understanding and sense of companionship. Thus it is difficult for you to merge your efforts harmoniously with others. In the home, you can inadvertently be offhand and abrupt when you would really like to show your affection. In circumstances that require a little finesse, you find that you are inclined to be too direct and straight to the point and suffer frustration in your personal relationships as a result. Tension could affect the eyes, ears, teeth, or sinuses. Frequent head colds or severe headaches are potential problems.
i try to be skeptical, y'know, but these sound like me, don't they? anyway it's entertaining. see also: shannon, katie, marika, brian (tho' i think this one is slightly off), sebastian, olly, chris.

posted by lauren!  # 12:05 PM

as she beheld it, she said i misspelled it
A Cheknov: you should change you screen name to "DEFIANTSUNSHINE!"
jubilantsunshine: DEFINATAUSNSHING
A Cheknov: SEFAINTDOWNSHINE!

well i'm all messed up, that's nothing new
today is the state of the union address. it is at six o'clock our time. please watch it. also, please don't forget to turn in your ballots (which i hope say yes on measure 28) by eight o'clock tonight.
this weekend i went to seattle to see shan. i went up on friday afternoon and we had a dinner party! i met noella and anne who are small and cute, and nic (who has no k), and a betsy who is also libraryish, and i saw eric wagner and josh and met josh's small cute girlfriend emily. then we went out to the monkey pub tho' shan felt ill so she went home. saturday we went shopping and i bought some gigantic red corduroys for $10. we tried to go out to a place with martinis, but it was busy, so we walked around for a while and ended up taking the bus back over to the u district and going to a brewery there. uneventful. sunday i felt ill, probably due to a v. buttery cheesy baked (not basked) potato the night before, and not sleeping enough all week, and not drinking enough water. i lounged all day with shan and her lovely pal kristen, who i may or may not have previously met, and then in the afternoon we went to see real women have curves, which i loved, but which may have overwhelmed eric just a tad. it was a fabulous beautiful movie, though. then we lounged some more, and i took a nap until shelby got into town, and we went out again with her and jana. later josh and shan took me to the bus station in the middle of the night so that i could get back to eugene in time for the rally yesterday at noon.
i am supposed to go to aikido class but i really don't want to. i haven't been in two weeks. but i am so tired and there is the state of the union and i have to watch it. i suppose i can skip if i promise to go on thursday and on both days next week. so i promise. hold me to that, everyone.
i wonder what else it was that i had to say? i can't remember. it must not have been important. as if any of these things ever are, particularly. ha. i will just say, perhaps, that though i had made up my own mind about my knitting needles and my purple house, the rest of the world seems to have other ideas about whether i should be left alone. this causes me trouble because i am queen second-guesser of the universe, and now i am not sure that i meant what i had decided, although i think i do. it'll be an adventure to figure out how to make them -- and myself -- believe it, though.

when lights close their tired eyes
i dreamed, funnily enough, that richard the cute french boy i met at soriah (the one i was so proud of myself for actually going to talk to!!) came to my house in portland to bring me an umbrella and a lot of other weird things -- samples of makeup, purple nail polish, popcorn, undeveloped rolls of film? -- and then when i asked for his email address he said he might be moving to texas and he was very sorry but he didn't want to leave without giving me these things.
hm.
anyway, i would like everyone to read this lovely update at librarian.net and be as pissed off as i am about the stupid usa patriot act and the stupid justice department. also, please revel in the fabulousness of jessamyn west.
today i go to salem to say yay to nice governor kulongoski, who is being v. supportive of roe v wade, even though he made some idiotic comment about not really entirely supporting measure 28. (incidentally, everyone needs to VOTE YES on measure 28!!) yesterday was the big fat party at the wild duck for the 30th anniversary of roe v wade. it turned out a lot better than i expected! there were at least 300 people, i would say. i expected about 100, maybe. so i was happy.
i have to be busy thesis girl a lot soon. gr.

and i say, it's all right
the small green growing things are getting bigger! there is a tiny baby daffodil on the way to school, and an iris too, and lots and lots of daffodils- and crocuses-to-be. i am happy!

mattheedxd potato omelet
today's quote is not a song yet, but it will be one soon, as soon as shan and i can get together and set her fabulous lyrics to music. i am so thrilled. it will be released under the title "mattheedxd potato omelet, the hot new single from shan and lauren." we are very excited. many record companies have already expressed interest in signing us.
so. after a brief period of WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY WEB PAGE i have returned in my full glory. thanks to chris brunner, who knows things about .htaccess files that i do not, and who also knows things about .shtml that i do not. anyway now it is working and it is good!
tuesday the 21st is roe v. wade day, and i have been busybusy getting publicity, calling (and not being called back by) bands, doing more publicity, calling other people, calling some more bands, and generally freaking out about all that on top of thesis-writing, stressing about how the people at gettysburg college are going to hate my translations, and running back and forth around campus to classes and work and dems meetings and things. in the midst of all this, brian called me on monday to say that tuesday and thursday are his days off and he was coming up. after some discussion with myself about whether this was a good idea, i warned him that i would be stressed and pissed and grumpy, and he said ok, and he drove up here monday night. he got here at 8:30 in the morning on tuesday. i, of course, had to be on campus at 9:30 and then wasn't free until seven, but we met up before going to aikido, which was interesting. i have never been in a class he's been teaching before. it was ok, though. he's a good teacher, i discovered. and then afterwards we went to dinner with charles and steve and a girl named makita (??) who's in aikido, and then brian and i went to see about schmidt, which was terribly depressing but good. brian was sad because it reminded him of his dad. i was sad because it was sad and crying.
and what else? i had things to say but i have forgotten them, now. the boy that tried to kiss me from the party the other day called me yesterday. i didn't remember giving him my number. i told him to call me in a week when i will be less stressed. i think he thought i was blowing him off, and i felt bad. and then i thought, if he called me, does that mean i should call the girl with the pigtails? hmm . . .

i could let this bridge wash out and never make amends
i have just found out that lovely dar is coming out with a lovely new album in february! yay! please click on the link below to hear some of the songs from the album. and, isn't "the beauty of the rain" a great title?
today i got an email from a professor at gettysburg college, who is a uo alum and former ph.d student under my thesis advisor. she is organizing a visit to her college from marie-célie agnant, the author of the book i'm translating. and, her colleagues in departments other than french (women's studies, african american studies) want to teach her writings, but need to do it in english . . . so they will use my translations! yikes!
i am excited but nervous . . . i hope they like it.

nothin' much to say, i guess; just the same as all the rest
today i saw bowling for columbine which was amazing and good and everyone should watch it! yay. i have been wanting to see it for a long time, but courtney and i can't seem to arrange our schedules, so i went with sebastian this afternoon when he called. i will gladly see it again, though. and, of course, true to everyone's ranting and raving, it was fabulous. chris, of course, wants to be michael moore, so loved it. but everyone i've talked to has loved it. so i now join the ranks of the endorsers of the movie. please go see it now. i also hope to see adaptation soon, now that it has finally come to eugene.
today i am working 7-12, which is kind of lame, because just after i got to work, kilian called to see if i wanted to come over, which was random and nice, as i haven't hung out with him in years. of course, though, i am stuck here until godawful midnight, so that was out. then morgan called and we made plans for monday, though not specific ones, so i have no idea what we're doing. and yes i think it's a date. (!) i am the most popular girl in school! ha. and tomorrow i am going to the new car show at the fairgrounds with chris. yay? it was my idea so i can't complain. i was hoping to see the 2005 mustang, but i doubt it'll be there. that's ok. cars are fun in moderation. plus, lovely chris is not on graveyard shift anymore, so maybe we can resume my driving lessons.
went to a party with olly the other night. i met a lot of commentator people, one of whom, who is also a co-worker of sorts, i paid $4 for two swigs of jack daniel's from the bottle he was hiding in his coat pocket. (and for the beer he gave me earlier.) a drunk hippie who looked kind of like dylan tried to kiss me, and i tried to put the aikido moves on him, but it didn't work with a beer in my hand. also, i haven't really got any aikido moves. that could be part of the problem. i tried to hit on a girl with pigtails named jennie, and she gave me her number and insisted i call her, but i don't know if i will/should/can. anyway, she was sitting in the lap of a cute boy who works at trader joe's. oh, and i made the dude with the drum kit in the garage show me some things, and then he let me bang on them a little, but i didn't for very long because the guitar boys came back and wanted to jam. all in all it was a pretty eventful evening.
and today i have written extensive epistles to shannon, shan&shelby (as an entity), and my darling sister. oh, and david beugli, who once brought me a frog in a pickle jar on st. patrick's day. that was about the cutest thing ever. i just found him again, and we haven't really talked since high school, so i am excited to get back in touch with him.
wow, this got a lot longer than i intended it to be. i am in a good mood today, amazingly. could have to do with eating meals. and drinking too much chai.

i didn't know what i would find there
i have installed a magical new thing! yay comments! many thanks to enetation.co.uk for providing a lovely free comment service. whee!
i went to aikido weapons yesterday and it was Good and Fun. for once i had a decent partner, tho' he prolly thought i was totally stupid, as he has ten years of martial arts experience, and i just was excited about swinging a stick around. and, afterwards, i was in a good mood! it was amazing! that is, i was in a good mood until i got home and watched ER, which made me sad because of miscarriages and sad men. and today i had to work at eight, which was a fun adventure, but now someone is here to take over so i shall go home and eat soup.

what brings me down now is love ('cos i can never get enough)
i have nothing to say but i felt like blogging. which i guess is therefore totally pointless. but that's ok. i only write about nothing even when i do have something write about.
i started school yesterday. i don't have class on mondays, which is good, but it means i think monday is sunday and tuesday is monday. my only academic class is the modern information environment, which seems interesting. (yay library classes!!) i am also taking aikido 1 again, as well as aikido weapons, which should be interesting. i get to learn about bokken! other than that, i have my six french thesis credits so i can finish my thesis. as usual, i haven't been working on it as much as i should, but i'm sure i'll be able to finish it by the time of my scheduled defense, which is the first week of march. (eep!!)
i have been asked, both directly and indirectly, about the meaning of the content of my past few blogs. (it's interesting that 'blog' can mean both the individual entry and the entire journal itself. hmm.) anyway, as shan and i discussed, i am not sure if it is "yay look i am strong and motivated and good at being lauren!" or if it is "i am resigned to being a terrible person, and have become so accustomed to being alone with my terribleness that i almost enjoy it." i think it might be both at the same time . . . like it's one and i'm talking myself into believing it's the other.
i can't think of anything else to say that isn't totally pessimistic and depressing, and i know i'll get in trouble with my loyal readership of three (or maybe four or five) if i get any worse, so i'd better stop now. if only i were as uninhibited about my blogs as katiel. (i will spare the uninitiated by not linking to her.) anyway it's important for all to remember, i think, that these things are always in my head, so don't freak out that i'm all upset. it only takes a tiny bit more upset than usual for me to talk about it. and anyway, it's seasonal affective stupidness.

before the night is through i'm gonna steal my heart back

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