lauren's

down to the riverside, take off our shoes and wash these sins away
my free will astrology horoscope for this week is great:
Many of us indulge frequently in the fantasy that our lives would be wonderful if only they were different from what they are. Here's a corollary to the curse: No matter what the current state of our relationship to love may be, we always imagine that it should be better. If we don't have a romantic partner, we think we should have one. If we do have a romantic partner, we wish he or she would change, or we wonder what it would be like to be with another partner. That's the bad news, Virgo. Here's the good news: In the coming days, I predict you will find a way to feel perfectly at peace with the way your love life actually is.
ha! maybe that's because i'm . . . um, never mind.

all the money's gone, nowhere to go
i am afraid that the birth of the spinster sisterhood's blog will cause me to update here less frequently. i will try to do both, but since about half of the people who read this are also in the sisterhood, i think i'll be significantly less motivated to write here. but here is for cryptic whining more than the sisterhood is, i think.
that said, i have got nothing to cryptically whine about today! life is good. i have become aware that it is silly for me to freak out, and overreact, and push, and get weird, because really i know what the problem is, and freaking out only makes it worse in the long run. so i am happy and confident and practicing believing things (even considering lack of time) and i think this will make things less silly which will in turn make me more happy and confident. yay!
ok, no cryptic whining, but cryptic jubilation. and here comes the non-cryptic whining:
I HATE THESIS. hate hate hate hate. defense is two weeks from yesterday. hate hate hate HATE!!! gr. but i think i really might have it finished by next monday, when i need to turn in my final draft to my advisors. and i also think i might let people come to the defense, even though i don't want anyone there at all, including my advisors. so anyway email me i guess if you are terribly interested and i'll tell you where it is.
oh, i found the cutest blog!! rawr: lionblog! unfortunately she does not seem to have an email address so i cannot tell her how exciting and fun her lionblog is, or how exciting and fun it is that she wants to be a librarian too! (at least, i am assuming it is a girl. it writes like i do, so it must be a girl.)
thought for today: happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun.

you delight me
my chives are sprouting!! i am so excited!
also, look what katie and i did today: the spinster sisterhood has a blog!
that is all. now i must go talk about vaginas.

ah, stay, don't stand around...
forgot what i was going to say. hmmm.
maybe this: i finished my translation!! except for revision. i also have to work on my prospectus a lot, and make it my introduction, but the translation is All Done. yay!!!
or maybe this: i have decided that the one thing i want most in the world -- or maybe the one material thing, since i do want a degree pretty bad -- is a garden. a big garden, with corn and tomatoes and peas and zucchini and cucumber and broccoli and lettuce. and probably other things too. i am starting, for now, by having a baby herb garden in my kitchen. i have planted sage, rosemary, and thyme (tho' no parsley), chives, and basil. also i am attempting to grow alfalfa sprouts in a jar, and i have got some black beans that are sprouting too. when i get bigger pots, i will also plant chamomile, nasturtiums, and something called lion's ear. yay for growing things!
ok, that's all i had to say. life is boring. i work on my thesis and i go to work and sometimes i remember to do my other homework and go to my classes. i still haven't been to aikido since brian was here. i mean to go every day, really i do, but there is always something wrong. sometimes (often) i have a headache, or else i'm angry, i have a meeting, i have too much other stuff to do . . . now i feel so far behind that i'm scared to go. but i might go tomorrow, for reals.
today i did my tax return. soon i will get money back! which is good because i am super broke right now. stupid broke.
oh, and: tee hee. this is my new desktop. tee hee hee. yes, i know i'm about thirteen right now.

takin' my time, but i don't know where
playboy just gave me a huge papercut on my finger. maybe it's a sign that i should not participate in the exploitation of women through pornography. but probably not.
why is www.simonandgarfunkel.com not taken? fortunately, paulsimon.com includes a link to listen to his new song, "father and daughter," which is the cutest thing ever.
this morning i discovered that all my things were stolen from the bathroom, which is across the hall, not actually in my apartment. i share it with another guy, and we leave it unlocked, though it has a lock, because it's annoying to have to take your keys to the bathroom. i think it's time to start locking it again, though. they took an empty container of (housing) hand soap, my little travel containers of shampoo and conditioner (i'm mad about the containers; what if i want to travel again??), my nice razor and my crappy razor, and some grapefruit-flavored body scrub i got at the body shop in saint-malo. and a crappy old towel, which was all gross and needed to be washed anyway. i'm mostly mad about the good razor. (as if i shaved in the winter anyway.)
i have officially for realsies scheduled my thesis. it's march 3rd at 10am. i don't know where yet, and i prolly won't tell even when i do know, 'cos i don't want anyone to come. (shan.) anyway, march 3rd is in 3.5 weeks, which means i need to turn in my final draft in approximately 2.5 weeks, which means i am very stressed. aaa.
drama doesn't help me be less stressed, either. it's possible i overreacted/overthought yesterday, but i don't think i really did. well, maybe overreacted just a bit, but not overthought. i think my analysis of the situation is exactly correct, but i also think i will not behave accordingly. and now there is drama on other fronts! it's so exciting and scandalous. whee.
oh, i finally made a links page. i am sure i forgot many important things so please tell me if you should be there and aren't. and and and, i have finally remembered to add orlando bloom to my harem. now must go drool.

i could've been anyone he'd seen
today is a reprise of friday november 8th's rant, i think, only less so. and only myself to blame. i am trying to not be crazy psycho girl but i am angry and so that is what i am writing about today. anyway this time i was well aware of the situation and i did it anyway. maybe now i'll really actually learn, like i said/thought i did before. whatever. doesn't matter.
but also, i am happy. there was a fat grey squirrel today. and dew on the grass. and i have daffodils in my room. and this is a cute poem: why i am in love with librarians. and i finished my scarf!! so i have it and it is nice and bright and it makes people smile at me.
so: whatever. doesn't matter.